Dear and later try to cheer me up

Topics: FamilyMarriage

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Last updated: April 12, 2019

Dear Torvald,     Greetings Torvald,I am writing this letter as I feel you and the kids deserve to know why I leftyou. This letter doesn’t change anything between us, I’ve made my decision andnothing can change it; I couldn’t explain it all then. I was hurt and you knewit too, you were supposed to be the “perfect husband”.

Financially stable, andof high social class and in my opinion quite handsome, you were a perfecthusband yes; to society not to me. You treated me like a materialisticpossession, something to show the world.  You very well know, what lead me tomake this decision, even though you were declining your past actions, thisletter shall make everything crystal clear. First of all, I genuinely believedyou were the perfect husband, at the time of our marriage.

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I was delighted tobe with you. I guess I wasn’t wise enough. As I started to mature I realisedthe flaws in our so called “perfect” relationship. There were numerous instanceswhere you treated me like a child, dictating your own norms as you pleased.Ignoring my feeling and emotions. I’m aware that this kind of behaviour iscommon in our society and that is why you might have not even known, they werehumiliating.  You’d often put me down and disregardmy decisions, and later try to cheer me up with money, just like a child. Accusingme of being wasteful, making comments about my family particularly about myfather.

You would always question me about my sweet tooth and try to persuademe for not eating sweets like a child who is incapable of making their own decisions. You forbid me from having anyresponsibility of anything but the house and the kids even if I wanted. Younever ask me to cook, clean, buy groceries, or take care of the children, youjust expect to go home to a well-prepared dinner, with the kids bathed and donewith their homework, and a well-dressed wife waiting for you on the dining roomtable. Not only that, but the part that killed me the most is that you nevereven said thank you, and I had no other choice, and that I don’t deserve anappreciation. It was almost like I was a doll and you were pulling the stringsand making me do whatever you wanted me to do whenever you wanted me to do it.Next, I want to shed some light on your true character;your selfish, stifling and oppressive attitude. Your “pet names” for me wereappalling, they made me feel miserable.

‘little skylark,’ ‘little featherhead,’ and ‘little squirrel’ just to name a few.You saw me as someone vulnerable, in need of your masculine support and guidance.I would only do what is best for my loved ones and nothing else. I barely spendanything on myself and save as muchas I could but it’s never enough and you call me a spendthrift!  I have always been so madly in love with youthat I never realized that you saw me as an object, trophy, pet! I am not Nora;I am just a doll, a pet, always obeying Torvald, my owner.   I left my loving parentsfor you, so that I could be independent and have more freedom. Though since Ihave left them, nothing has gone to my plan. Nothing is mine, and everything belongsto my husband, Torvald.

He is my husband, but I don’t think he considers me ashis wife, because he does not love me. He only thinks of me as his doll, livingin his doll’s house.  Iwon’t lie at first, I enjoyed being called cute little animal names, because Ithought that is the way he showed his affection, but no! I was convinced tolove and care for him, follow his orders as if I was a doll living in hisdollhouse.

 Inall honestly, I’m no perfect either, I know what I did was wrong, but I didn’t knowI would have to face such drastic consequences for my mistake, borrowing money fromKrogstad and not being able to give him all the money back. To be fair it wasfor your greater good.  Towardsthe end I feel my life has been largely a performance. I have acted the part ofthe happy, child-like wife for you and, before that, I acted the part of thehappy, child-like daughter for my father. I now see that my father and you haveconstrained me to behave in a particular way and I understand it to be a greatwrong, that slowed my growth as an adult and as a human being. I have made nothingof my life because I have existed only to please these men in my life. Followingthis -realization, I want to leave you Torvald in order to make something of mylife and—for the first time—to exist as a person independent of other people. Torvald, I don’t want a man with me anymore.

Apologies Torvald if this is harsh, but as a matured person I realized that Idon’t love you anymore and maybe the reason I got married to you from the veryfirst place was my young adventurous self. As for thechildren, they are my sweethearts and just like any mother, I love them more thananything in the whole world. Every day I think about them and how much I miss them,but I had to leave them. I didn’t know where I’d go when I left, I didn’t knowif I’ll be able to have a good job, a nice home, good money,or if I’ll live on the streets. I wish you all the best, trust me this is better for both of us.Sincerely,Nora 

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