I am writing this letter as I feel you and the kids deserve to know why I left
you. This letter doesn’t change anything between us, I’ve made my decision and
nothing can change it; I couldn’t explain it all then. I was hurt and you knew
it too, you were supposed to be the “perfect husband”. Financially stable, and
of high social class and in my opinion quite handsome, you were a perfect
husband yes; to society not to me. You treated me like a materialistic
possession, something to show the world.
You very well know, what lead me to
make this decision, even though you were declining your past actions, this
letter shall make everything crystal clear. First of all, I genuinely believed
you were the perfect husband, at the time of our marriage. I was delighted to
be with you. I guess I wasn’t wise enough. As I started to mature I realised
the flaws in our so called “perfect” relationship. There were numerous instances
where you treated me like a child, dictating your own norms as you pleased.
Ignoring my feeling and emotions. I’m aware that this kind of behaviour is
common in our society and that is why you might have not even known, they were
You’d often put me down and disregard
my decisions, and later try to cheer me up with money, just like a child. Accusing
me of being wasteful, making comments about my family particularly about my
father. You would always question me about my sweet tooth and try to persuade
me for not eating sweets like a child who is incapable of making their own decisions. You forbid me from having any
responsibility of anything but the house and the kids even if I wanted. You
never ask me to cook, clean, buy groceries, or take care of the children, you
just expect to go home to a well-prepared dinner, with the kids bathed and done
with their homework, and a well-dressed wife waiting for you on the dining room
table. Not only that, but the part that killed me the most is that you never
even said thank you, and I had no other choice, and that I don’t deserve an
appreciation. It was almost like I was a doll and you were pulling the strings
and making me do whatever you wanted me to do whenever you wanted me to do it.
Next, I want to shed some light on your true character;
your selfish, stifling and oppressive attitude. Your “pet names” for me were
appalling, they made me feel miserable. ‘little skylark,’ ‘little featherhead,’ and ‘little squirrel’ just to name a few.
You saw me as someone vulnerable, in need of your masculine support and guidance.
I would only do what is best for my loved ones and nothing else. I barely spend
anything on myself and save as much
as I could but it’s never enough and you call me a spendthrift! I have always been so madly in love with you
that I never realized that you saw me as an object, trophy, pet! I am not Nora;
I am just a doll, a pet, always obeying Torvald, my owner.
I left my loving parents
for you, so that I could be independent and have more freedom. Though since I
have left them, nothing has gone to my plan. Nothing is mine, and everything belongs
to my husband, Torvald. He is my husband, but I don’t think he considers me as
his wife, because he does not love me. He only thinks of me as his doll, living
in his doll’s house.
won’t lie at first, I enjoyed being called cute little animal names, because I
thought that is the way he showed his affection, but no! I was convinced to
love and care for him, follow his orders as if I was a doll living in his
all honestly, I’m no perfect either, I know what I did was wrong, but I didn’t know
I would have to face such drastic consequences for my mistake, borrowing money from
Krogstad and not being able to give him all the money back. To be fair it was
for your greater good.
the end I feel my life has been largely a performance. I have acted the part of
the happy, child-like wife for you and, before that, I acted the part of the
happy, child-like daughter for my father. I now see that my father and you have
constrained me to behave in a particular way and I understand it to be a great
wrong, that slowed my growth as an adult and as a human being. I have made nothing
of my life because I have existed only to please these men in my life. Following
this -realization, I want to leave you Torvald in order to make something of my
life and—for the first time—to exist as a person independent of other people. Torvald, I don’t want a man with me anymore.
Apologies Torvald if this is harsh, but as a matured person I realized that I
don’t love you anymore and maybe the reason I got married to you from the very
first place was my young adventurous self.
As for the
children, they are my sweethearts and just like any mother, I love them more than
anything in the whole world. Every day I think about them and how much I miss them,
but I had to leave them. I didn’t know where I’d go when I left, I didn’t know
if I’ll be able to have a good job, a nice home, good money,
or if I’ll live on the streets. I wish you all the best, trust me this is better for both of us.