30/9/10The strike failed miserably. Not only did I not succeed in making any difference to the wages whatsoever but I also lost my job and made others lose theirs too in the process. I’m glad I did it though, some body had to stick up for what is right, we work hard and take risks working with dangerous machinery so it was only fair that myself and others got a rise in our pay. It shouldn’t be a problem getting a new job though so I’m not worried about money, it has just been the holidays though and I am a little short financially so I must be quick about finding a new employment.25/10/10I haven’t written in my diary for a while due to my difficult current situation.

.. Life has just been so hard lately, I thought it would be easy to find a new job but nearly a month has passed now and I still haven’t found one, I cannot see it happening in the near future either or even distant future for that matter, there are simply no job opportunities around for a girl like me. I’m starving, cold and getting dangerously desperate – I have no parents to turn to, no home to stay in and no money to provide me with even the bare essentials.

I have no way out of this awful situation; I can’t go on living like this!2/12/10I’m so excited! Well, I shouldn’t get too hopeful yet, it still isn’t certain and I don’t want to be disappointed. I went for a job interview at Milwards today. Yes, Milwards! The most lavish clothes shop in Brumley! They’re having a crisis with all their staff coming down with influenza, it is the season after all, so they had put a notice up in their window appealing for new job applicants. When I happened to pass by yesterday afternoon I noticed the advertisement and thought I might as well have a go at getting the job. The interview was this morning, I felt it went splendidly well and I could tell Mrs Hunting, the manager, took an instant liking to me.

There was only one other applicant – a girl named Alice. She seemed very shy and inexperienced so I am dearly hoping they chose me for the job. Well only time will tell.

..7/12/10I got the job! I’ve been working there for almost a week now and it’s so wonderful. It makes such a lovely change from working in that dirty factory – all the beautiful clothes and friendly people. The pay is excellent too.

I really feel like this is a fresh start for me – I’m happier with life than I have been for years!4/12/02I can’t believe it, I’ve been fired from Milwards, I just don’t see what I’ve done wrong! I had just settled in nicely and was feeling so happy with life and then something like this happens! I just don’t understand why, they didn’t give a reason for firing me, all Mrs Hunting told me was that she didn’t think I was “suitable for the job”. I have the feeling it is something to do with a young lady that came in to Milwards yesterday – she tried on a gorgeous dress, but it was very unflattering to her figure and I had strongly advised against it, as had the friends that were accompanying her. Nevertheless, she was determined to prove us wrong and so tried on the dress and soon realized we had been right with the advice we had given her.

I remember thinking how dishevelled and frumpy it looked on her but I certainly did not say anything – that would have been plain rude. I kept my thoughts to myself so I was very surprised when I looked up and noticed her scowling at me in the mirror; it quite caught me by surprise. It was such a furious glare; I’ll never forget it. So I’m pretty sure that the young lady used her power to punish me in this way – punishing me for what exactly I’m not sure but it’s done now and I can’t change it.

I’ll never find another job, that was a once in a lifetime opportunity and now it’s gone. Gone forever.2/3/11I met a charming and delightful young man at the Palace music hall today, I just had a rather nasty encounter with old Joe Meggarty, half-drunk and goggle-eyed, he had wedged me into a corner with that obscenely fat carcass of his. Gerald came to my rescue though and that’s how we met. He bought me a drink and we began talking, I enjoyed it so much – he’s such a sensitive and friendly man.

We went to County Hotel (which was very quiet at that time of night), had a few drinks and talked for hours, he really listened to me and treated me like a lady; it was wonderful… I can’t wait to see him again!4/3/11Oh I can’t believe it – Gerald found me a place to stay, a friend’s house in Morgan Terrace! I can stay there for as long as I like and Gerald says I don’t have to worry about rent – this is marvellous!12/9/11Gerald broke off our relationship – it’s over. I just want to be alone for a while so I’ll be spending a few months on the sea front. It’ll give me a chance to think things over and make the happiness I had for these past few months last just that little bit longer.

..13/11/11I’ve had the most horrible night! I was having a drink in the Palace bar when a young man named Eric approached me and began talking, he was very drunk and I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone, especially not a drunkard. When I went home he followed and forced himself into my lodgings – he had threatened to start a row and I didn’t want to make a scene so I let him in. I now realize how stupid I was to do so, he forced me into the bedroom and pushed me onto the bed, breathing his foul alcoholic breath all over me. I tried to protest but he held me down and wouldn’t let me move. Then he raped me.

He left shortly afterwards, I think my distressed screams sobered him up and made him realize just what he had done. I feel so dirty, and to make things even worse – I think I could be pregnant… I can hardly look after myself let alone another baby! I can’t continue living like this, I just can’t!12/4/11This is it! I have had enough of life pushing me around.

.. I went to the BWCA for help and they turned me away! I’ve no money, no job, no family, no home and now I have a baby on the way. Nobody will help me and I have nobody to turn to – I have no way out of this situation but death.

I’m tired of this life, this merciless existence, death is the peaceful and gentle option – death is the only option. Goodbye cruel world…