How to control people who make you feelinferiorYou have got a relative who always acts tobe an expert on everything. Even though the advice is sometimes useful theconstant drumbeat of supposedly knowledge based conclusions that comes out ofthis persons mouth leaves you to feel that somehow you are defective. When youconsider ,it seems to be a master piece of advice but has been designed todrive the point home that your ideas completely lacks validityWhen people go out of their way to make youfeel bad about yourself, the question is whether is it you or them. If you feelyourself as robust, it should not really be affected by some small incidentthat exposes your inadequacy. In fact, when you consider, there are people whomake you feel nice when you are around them feeling defensive. A research doneby Simon Fraser and his colleagues from University Uthike Girme examined whatis called “relationship specific” attachment insecure. They suggested which people can be made feel insecurewithin there some relationships, even when on the whole, they have got a solidsense of who they are. Although the research is based on attachment of securitywithin a romantic bond ,the outcome can be thought of as generalizable to otherclose relationships as well.
As the Girme noted “greater turbulence in the form of more negative and emotions,irritations that occur during hard transition periods escalates doubts andincreases feelings of uncertainty about the relationship. If explained inanother way, what have been made you insecure in your relationship, you willstart questioning yourself whether your partner will be there for you. Translatingthis thing to more basic form of feeling insecure with a non-romantic partner ofthe experience of being made to deal not safe should also create emotional turbulence.Part of what might effect your sense of not been secure, though, is whether youexpect the relationship will endure over time.
If you feel that you are goingthrough a hard time that eventually will sort itself out, you would not be asupset if some other person is been not supportive.Attachment security is the simple feelingthat your relationship with others is solid and will endure over time. Peoplewho are high in this quality, additionally have an equally solid sense ofthemselves. They do not care when someone comes along who challenges thisstable base. However, if the researchers of Simon Fraser University are right ,you do not feel secure just for a day and do not feel secure next day, Girme ETAl firstly hypnotized people that are high in attachment security, expectedtheir relationships to be more stable with time and it was confirmed thru theexperiment. They next checked whether people’s feelings of distress wouldvary according to fluctuations in attachment security and on a study ofindividuals drawn from a community sample, were able to establish the point. Atlast, using a few samples of couples undergoing the change of parenthood ,anotably stressful time, the Canadian researchers proved that those who attachsecurity fluctuated the most throughout this 2 year period of time of change intheir partner availability where the ones who felt the most amount of emotionaldis-tress.In summarizing the researches of theirthree studies, Girme and her crew conclude that their work “counterbalance(S) previous research documenting secure individuals steadfastresilience when confronted with potentially harming relationship experiences.
Infact, the people who has hope for thegreatest relationship of stability are the ones who suffer the most when thething is not right. The flip side of this is that people low in attachmentsecurity does not seem as distressed if their relationship partner becomes notavailable for them. Expecting less, they are less surprised and disappointed.If we look at the solutions of the Canadianresearch team to other,non romantic relationships, similar principles are applied.In your own gang of friends, relations and coworkers, there are someindividuals who reinforce and others who undermine your own security.
In thesesituations, it is important to ask thyself why these individuals challenge yourbasic sense of self. Is it because they are outright critical? Or do they makethemselves seem more desirable by been emotionally not available? Then askthyself whether it is you or them? What makes people to need to make you feelnot secure.To get answers of the some of thequestions, look outside your own relationship with the specificinsecurity-fostering people. How do they relate to others and what do others doin their presence? Do you feel that others are feel to made small? Once yourealize that is them and not you, this can help you neutralize yourinteractions with them.
Going ahead with them in time, knowing that you will betaken down the path of self-doubt and anxiety, will allow you to make moreobjective appraisals of the situation. Girme Et Al took notice that people whoare the high in attachment of security who were made to feel not secured alsofelt higher levels of the emotional distress. You can put away that distresswhen you understand its source. You can also use this method in order to findabout your behavior with others. You are confident in your own self worth sothat you would need to inflict this pain on others.
To Buckle up, the method you handle people who make you feel notsecured in your attention inward and shore up your own self esteem. Justbecause one person lets you down does not mean you are not capable. There arealso some situations you feel you are vulnerable. Identify how peoples emotionsof security can change over time and this will help you to less the distressthat one given individual can make in your life